Vegetablematter, 76

1) Dinner at a nice hillbilly restaurant. Aggravate a few customers by visibly recoiling from the food on their plates (rabid squirrel stew, alligator eyeballs sauteed with braised cojones del toro, fluffy mashed potatoes spiked with seasoned pigeon entrails). 2) Strenuous round of bocci ball, followed by vomiting and sightseeing in an Eastern European neighborhood (think "Borat" here). 3) Drinks and dancing at Brotha's, primarily known for attracting customers with carry-on weapons and a load of paparazzi if "The Dog" is there. (Can't use the restrooms, though, as that's where most of the homicides occur.) 4) So we may have to finish off the evening at the Rock 'n' Roll McDonalds, where at least the restrooms are relatively safe and sanitary, if gay as a French costume ball. 5) Then someplace where neither one of us will be recognized. We don't need to see our shiny, flashlight-lit faces on the front page of the Sun-Times tomorrow.